Lucky...

[Above: pictures from our snowshoeing trip in the Jura.]
It seems that as soon as you think you just rid of all, or at least the immediate suck in your life, something goes around and punches you in the face. Or really it could be the arm. This isn't new; life is long, (and yeah short whatever) and yeah we all know how it sucks sometimes. Often. But it always finds its way to affect you; even though in a way you make it affect yourself. Because it does.

Life was so much easier when I was on the same continent as probably the rest of my life.

"Ugh! Why can't we just have not been here for 8 months?" I grumble at dinner, forming my new anxiety about the next step in my education. My dad doesn't answer. Yeah, I didn't want to go there either. I've already argued too much about this trip, really.

But seriously.

Rennie: are you filling out your course selection sheets for pioneer and stuff?

me: er

Rennie: or something of the sort?

me: er

....no

Rennie: ok.

me: the only thing I did was the community application

crap I'm like dead

Rennie: no, you're not.

you should try e-mailing ms mackenzie or a counselor at pioneer.

me: yeah I'll do that

Disadvantages and inconveniences suck. Which I guess is really part of the whole definition and point of those words.

I'm almost done with 1984 by George Orwell and it's slightly disturbing. It's good; literally a must-read for us as a human species and existing beings, but sometimes books and stuff can really set a nerve in me. If I was living in Oceania with Big Brother and all that, I'd probably just scream all over "DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER! NO! THIS IS ALL WRONG! YOU GUYS SUCK! THIS IS WRONG! THEY'RE BAD! THEY'RE EVIL! NO! WE'RE ALL FRIGGIN' HUMANS! ON ONE EARTH! DON'T BELIEVE THE LIES!" And go on and on like that. Right in public. But I wouldn't actually last long like that, because they would immediately find me. But then right after I'm sort of finished, I'd just commit suicide. I know what you're thinking- "how is it that I somehow found myself reading such a morbid person's blog?!?!?" and all. No but seriously. I couldn't live with myself with the alternative. Of course, that's all assuming I wasn't brainwashed.

This video also got me thinking.

So, I'm worried/concerned about my education right now. Yeah. I wonder if you guys ever have been. I mean, my main thing is that like... after all those "stay in school", "you'll get a good job", and stuff and all that and stuff, I feel like I suddenly like.. died. On the school front. My friends are all fit in of course with the system, literally on the road to success. Me? I get a wonderful, new cultural experience that barely anyone else could have for a year, while my friends learn algebra.

Sometimes I get so mad.

Nah, I guess this isn't really new stuff. But I had to get it out. And then of course later, maybe soon, the perspective will lather itself down over everything and maybe it'll be fine? Sigh. Yeah. And Zach's friend is coming over tomorrow, so that'll be awesome. He's pretty cool. Missing school for it and stuff.

Celery.

Melanger Les Couleurs (and, not to mention, the emotions)

[Picture: vine-field we passed on a walk one time. I thought it was like a field of question marks.]

Awesome French group (my mom and) I found out about today: Kaolin. They also have a wikipedia article and stuff. And iTunes. I guess I haven't really been... fully "enriched" in the whole French culture thing.. I mean, school is a lot, but it's only one aspect kind of. I haven't actually had that many crepes and don't even go to French cafes or restaurants all that much. And now recently it's been the "it'll all go in a blink of an eye so do what you want before it ends" -season, so maybe I should start... French-izing. Or something. I have no idea how we're getting all this stuff back home... might take a few trips. But yeah.

Valentine's Day. See, when I first was reminded of this, I just sort of wanted to crack up. Just because.

Italy towards the end of the week. Next week, that is. And Zach's friend is coming soon. So that'll be cool I guess. Turns out my parents both know some Italian... which of course led to my continued speculation, criticism and observations of other languages.

So... yeah. Not much happening. I want to be putting up more pictures on this blog I guess. And stuff and stuff. Poetry attempts. I've taken up sleep-depriving myself again. Being the insolete little teenager I can be.

I predict after the break it'll sort of just be a snap of the fingers. A rustle of the grass. A whizzing blur. A blink of an eye. Just like that. Or at least, I hope. To a certain extent.

Sigh.

To Which he Kindly Replied

Well. It snowed today. Then it got melty. I saw Dan Levin twice during the week, which was really awesome. He got us talking about our school and stuff and stuff. It's gonna be weird going back. I guess.

Naked Baby Photos never gets old, apparently. I still need to try hard to get my thoughts sorted out at this rather pitch black hour.

Oh gosh; procrastination. I guess I'll just jump right in to whatever I was saying, which was actually just talking about the fact that I was jumping into whatever I was saying, but then again maybe in fact I had something to say, even though I kinda expected to just forget and ramble, just doing this for... for... I wanna say prosperity, because sometimes I like to use words that just pop up in that there place up there, but maybe that's not the right word.

{After about half an hour of doing other things}

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is...

I'm going home in a little more than 4 months, and maybe I'm rather excited and wanting to just throw this whole thing (as in France) in the dumpster like it was cardboard box, but only after opening the packaging it was in and playing in it a little bit. I want to be done done done. I keep seeing the end. I'm seein' it. I saw it on July 3rd, 2008. But it's actually real. It doesn't have to be a fantasy.

I feel like I'm one of those bands now that suddenly is obsessed with a theme, like... political songs or something... obsessed with having it just be done.

The theme of the 6th grade yearbook was to not count the days, but make the days count. I'll try both.

This break, again, kinda screwing up my perspective for the umpteenth time. That spells crud. It's called hard work. Ready? Disolving tongues. Missing the first half hour. Just staring. It helps to sit down, watch the show. Refreshing that's not a liquid. We've finally gotten to a higher state of neglect, here. Friends?!?! High-fiving because you have le pouvoir. Just so happens I'm pressing that orange button soon.

Dan's strategy: lyrics from a book

Without Lessons

{No title yet}

Put on some Mraz, he fascinates
but how can you procrastinate your fate?
pick up the pen start scribbling
or the forget starts nibbling
let it go, it passes
like birds in the winter- masses
even if they don't care
dare to share
it's just you
no background music
trying not to lose it
quoting lyrics, using the fretboard
up and down with that chord
head-thrashing while they're cashing
in what they worked hard to get
over and over again- tours and hits
is this what it's all about?
what about real? what about fake?
amplify what you make
we get problems- so we write about 'em
after they come and go, some dumb
but I go with the fear, let it loose
I got ideas- do you?

::To be revised and etc.

I love being a musician. An artist. For some reason bringing in the "art" part of it makes it more... well, just that it's sort of a higher degree... better. More... just more. But I mean really, we're all artists, there are just those of us who recognize it. That amplify it. Literally and figuratively.

Today I jam'd with my dad again at CERN, and we recorded some of it. I played some drums, a tad of piano and some trumpet. It was actually rather awesome.

Tomorrow we shall wake up around 8-ish and drive for a while to this winter/skiing chalet place where we'll ski with Simon and stuff. Should be fun I guess. I guess I don't really have lots of plans for the break, except playing music, reading, HW, taking pictures, trying to wake up early and maybe hanging out with friends... yeah.

I guess with all this thinking about the end, one hardly notices the middle. And if you just pay attention to the middle, the end just jumps right up. But being in the middle and thinking about the end... and yet the middle too... everything seems weird. But nah nah. Maybe I'm in that weird place where you're suddenly used to being there, and then about to be surprised to actually go back.

I like wizard rock. I really dig that classic 1960's/'70's rock. I was reading some of John Lennon's part of the Beatles Anthology book, and it was rather interesting. It's amazing how... someone can just be so... blown up from the media, and sort of having been made a certain way from it, that we never really... they're not... . Celebrities are sort of treated like a different species in our culture. And yet in my saying that it's still stereotyping.

I want this guitar.

Comtemplating

Here I sit, with only 152 days or so to go (this fact scared me- 150 is only 20, plus 17, plus 56, plus 47, plus 3 plus 7. Which is small.) in this suddenly whitened-over town (it snowed today), which for some reason must suffer the consequences of waiting way past their bedtimes to watch beefy Americans with tight pants ram into each other, while some annoying guy probably named Steve laughs about sandwiches with a few other guys, one of which is probably named Hank, and ridiculously-"clothed" women giving us all fake smiles with their heavily manicured faces, as if to say football has a feminine side, which of course it does, what with the mothers slaving over American dinners while the father shoves peanuts into his cheering mouth, which is also stinking of beer. And don't forget the breaks- or really, from their reputation, they are more like just other parts of the game- we get to hear some guy or lady tell us about the sleek new shiny silver volvo/mercedes/ford car we just must buy because of it's such low MPG. And don't forget Bud Light. Heavens no, us Americans will never tire of those generic, trying-t0-appeal-but-really-making-it-look-ridiculous ads for that brown-colored liquid that people don't normally drink until 21.

As in, it's 10 o'clock and only 2 hours till the "kickoff" of Super Bowl {insert appropriate number of Roman Numerals}. I'm of course rooting for the Steelers, but not sure I can last till then. I could go to sleep for like 2 hours then come back.

You know, I guess I didn't really think of American TV as a chore, but now after being deprived of it for several months, I'm starting to realize how stupid we all are. I mean seriously folks. There is an off button. Just leave it be once in a while. We're not all couch potatoes, but considering how much our society stresses that.. aspect and amount of stuff is in/on there, it is quite sickening. I was just a viewer of The Simpsons and sports; mostly hockey, baseball and football. My lack of heavy-duty TV-watching might have had something to do with the fact that my family doesn't fit into the stereotype of having a few digits' worth of channels. Nay, we were the "static-static-channel 2-channel 4-channel 4 again-a few teens-static-some random thing- and then the canadian channel-. Yeah. So it was always a nice, almost intimidating treat to go over to a friend's house and watch, say, Spongebob or a High-Definition Tigers game.

But this isn't to say TV doesn't have it's moments. I don't think anyone even doubted that, but just whatever. I mean, how can we all forget those legendary commercials? Some still make me crack up violently when I think of them; The Jewelry Factory in Livonia!; "Butter, Milk, Eggs..." (Ha ha, I seriously started to grin there)... and the list goes on.

So anyway. I just thought I'd share that all with you.

My addiction with music/CD's continues to power my wallet. Or more, power the usage of my wallet. More, the objects inside the wallet. I spent about... 50 dollar's worth of CD's.. again. I think I'm pretty set on my musician's side; I also jammed today, which lead me to think that I might not actually be such a sucky drummer. I've also learned how to play most/all of two Oasis songs; Wonderwall and Shock of the Lightning. Both seriously great songs, and not too hard to play either. I also have two of my own songs going, which do need lyrics though.

Ah, I could just imagine how awesome this would be with Erez and Oren. Or really, any of my friends. We would just be acting all crazy, eating food, maybe jamming... killing brain cells, losing sleep, waiting for something so hyped-up for it's sickening, making memories. But isn't that what America is all about?

Like I would know.

I'm not sure when, but sometime in my life, my body decided it couldn't live without croissants and that it just wouldn't eat "real food" containing things such as artifical flavors/colors/etc. I'm not sure when, but sometime in my life, I actually starting not hating French. Or France. Sometime, not sure when it happened, I turned into an optimist and suddenly found out about all these awesome modern artists. Sometime, I felt more inspiration for guitar than trumpet. Sometime, long ago, I was a pessimist that worried even though I got good grades and had good friends and lived 3 minutes from the school and loved trumpet and was ignorant of the world and didn't feel proud to be an American really, but didn't know anything else and didn't know how to conjugate Spanish or French verbs.

It was actually around 215 days ago.

Go Steelers
lyrics
I'm having a nice life.

blue ink #15

As it turns out, Madame Martin isn't here today or tomorrow. And if you didn't know, she is my Spanish teacher. I literally jumped up and down when Jess told me. I haven't done a blue ink in a while, you know? Geez, the etude teachers need to chill. Whenever they start yelling violently or glaring with fiery passion (those are pretty much the only modes- they hardly ever "smile"), I just sit there all calm and content, thinking, "man, you guys need to seriously listen to some Jason Mraz or something..." I imagine they do have quite demanding jobs. Having to deal with the effects of impatient, annoying, immature kids surrounding them. But still.

Today you can't really see the mountains, replaced with a grey smudge on a window of inspiration. Which isn't to say grey isn't inspirational. Anyway. I'm excited because break is soon and I ordered 8 awesome, cool CD's on amazon which should arrive in like a week or so. I sort of messed up 6 of them because I made them deliver to the Physics Department at the U of M. But somehow we'll get them I suppose. And since you're so interested, I'll tell you guys which ones I ordered.

Ben Folds Five- Whatever and Ever Amen, The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner and Naked Baby Photos

Ben Folds- Songs For Silverman

Red Hot Chili Peppers- By the Way and Blood Sugar Sex Magik

Rolling Stones- Hot Rocks

So yeah. It'll be great. I have no idea how I'll bring all of my CD's and new stuff home though, because my suitcase(s) were already pretty full when he came, but yeah... they could be magical carry-on. 

SPEAKING OF going home, Jamuarmy is nearing to a close, which then leaves me (us) with a mere 5 months left! And February is about half break, so that should go fast. Then there's March, 2-week break in April and the home stretch in May and June, both of which contain a few long weekends. Looks good to me.

Sometimes I get nostalgic over here. The weirded-out attacks are way fewer and I guess my brain is just set on this ending, like really set on it, but for some reason that concept seems weird. I keep playing over different scenarios in my mind, keep counting down the days, keep writing and thinking, keep holding on to old memories of life back there. And since I sort of like it here now, it is a considerable amount more pleasant and going pretty fast.

But since I somehow always get rambling on that self-centered subject, I'll change for both our sakes. Or just stop writing altogether. My next class is SVT, which I don't like much. We got a sub, a very short-, black-haired guy with thin side burns and a bit of a five-o'clock shadow, who'll stay till about April who seems alright. He talks a ton, and often forgets I don't speak French. I get tired of his rambling, which even though is in a different language and therefore easier to tune out, makes me want him to just shut up and speak English so my brain can actually understand what the crap he's talking about. I like having my brain understand things. My brain likes that too, I suppose.

I think I have a sort of curse. Because of this whole thing. The curse is basically, that my brain will have this reflex or habit to often times translate things I read, things I think and just.. things into French. Or at least sort of comparing the two languages. As I have mentioned, my English spelling and vocabulary is sometimes hesitant. It actually doesn't happen much in English classes, but when it does it's incredibly annoying. Maybe useful in some sense, and it will probably fade once I won't hear French about 7 hours a day. 

Ugh. The East won the NHL All-Star Game. Whatever.

I wonder what I'd say if someone asked me what "all this writing" on this paper was.

-------------------------------------

I forgot to mention a few things. I had a most interesting Tuesday, because my sport teacher wasn't there. Which meant 3 free hours in the morning. Which meant I could go play hockey. It actually wasn't all that fun because, well, of the usual reasons I guess. I don't think I got enough sleep, so I was especially slow. Excuses, excuses. Sigh. I just wish I could play with people that didn't have deadly slap shots, could skate at least 2 times faster or that made me feel like a.... like a measly kid compared to their height. Or that didn't try to make plays, pass to me (but in a way I was grateful for that) or just... offer... encouragement-ness. But I guess sometimes you gotta be tough. It was just a practice.

So after hockey, I of course took a shower and all- if I didn't, it would have been the most ultimate hygienic fail. And I got a pastry. I should really eat more... French like things. I mean seriously. What the crap am I going to eat when I get back home?

The Host is turning out to be awesome. But even I need a new perspective break after reading that. Just part of being human, I guess. Which is pretty much the whole point of the book. 

I'd really really really like to see and know what other people thought of me, and basically everything. People just need to be frickin' free. One guy once said death was the ultimate freedom or something, because that's when a lot of people just leave a note (say) what they really think. 

Selfless, Cold and Composed

Title song here: by Ben Folds Five

You ever feel like you just want to forget about some things, and just kind of do certain things? Just let go of everything else?

I thought I did. But then I decided to just go with the flow with stuff, and just kind of make it through the rest of the 100-something days. Which was sort of the only option, you know?

This weekend was considerably better, but still not so great. I had my party, which was really awesome. We saw Slumdog Millionaire and it was awesome. Puts stuff into perspective, like how we seriously are really really lucky. I mean seriously.

Only this week and then another till break, in which we'll go to Italy with Zach's friend. I want to ride my bike around Geneva someday, taking pictures of the graffiti or something.

It's really quite amazing how things go by so fast and all. It's kind of cool. It's like one big roller coaster, where I go fast through the fun parts and then it's all of a sudden at an annoying part all the time, but it just kind of.. ends eventually. 

I get a song stuck in my head to get through the week normally. Last week it was Jane by Ben Folds Five. Helps remind myself there's still some awesomeness out there and like I have a place to go I guess.

I'm...

reading the Host

going to order a bunch of awesome CD's

sort of writing a song or two

thinking about writing a short story

tired, maybe getting sick

still here

It's kinda fun being here on Earth and all. Seein' the show. Being the show. Whatever show. And manipulating, experimenting with the lighting.

It Smells Fine. Just Put it in Your Mouth.

"Hey.. Emma... we so rock at not doing anything in art class, don't we?" Emma turned around to look at me and gave a little laugh. Another awesome art class passing, and of course Emma then asks, with a little bit of eagerness in her voice, "Are you going to FAT tonight?!???!" I put my coat on and answer with one I had been using a lot. "Eh... well I have that band. French band. But what are you guys doing in FAT?"
"Oh, we've been doing...stuff.. well actually this week is Rock Fest," My eyebrows jolt up and I inquire further, deciding immediately to go to FAT instead of the French band. It sounded absolutely awesome.

An hour or so later, my ears were being injected with utter volume. There were two acoustic guitar/singing players, who were actually rather amazing. One of them, Ryan, is in my Spanish class. He had a few songs, all original, and actually could sing. I was impressed. I was actually digging all the music, except maybe when it was just pure noise. There were three other bands, two of which were actually pretty good. The other was younger and yeah. I recognized some guys from my school. There were no female performers, actually. Except for the interns, who played Eye of the Tiger. So yeah. It was rather great, actually. I should have brought my camera and all. And then tomorrow is my birthday party, so we'll see Slumdog Millionaire. Supposed to be really awesome.

You might be wondering about the title. They seem to like doing these slightly.. stupid... games at FAT Friday, and this week's one was to jump rope with an egg in your mouth. I know. So apparently the eggs smelled bad, but the guy said {see title} and I just thought that was hilarious.

On Thursday we had to take these Key Stage 3 (English thing) practice tests. I think I did alright, but I barely finished. I have a sort of.. philosophy on things now. I just figure, "well hey, this will just all pass and be in my memory very soon so... just take in what you can" and then of course it all passes, and I'm left with the memories to reflect on. It's pretty awesome to use. Not like I can't. Jason Mraz (my new obsession pretty much) also said stuff about how the only real time that matters is now. And I agree with that. Because technically, the future doesn't really exist. I mean, yeah. He seems to have an awesome life.

Haven't blogged in a while. I haven't even touched the computer either in a while. I am now in much need of a guitar. Well, I have one (my dad's) but I like electric. Must jam! Right about now! That concert really did it for me. I mean, I guess. I hadn't gone to FAT in at least a month. I now find myself with about 160 days to go, a bunch of ideas, almost-forgotten friends who deliver much new-news, a bunch of inspirations, a CD-obsession, and sort of a plan worked out. Or at least, some new information.

This year, already a bunch of ... wow things have happened. I mean, there was

France thing in general
Learning two languages... simultaneously
French band
Trip to England
New music obsessions
Hockey with middle aged men
College-like life
English accents
Absence of algebra
New Friends
Perspective

and now a rock concert, and we're planning on going to Florence, Italy during a break soon. Awesome, much? I've also decided to actually use the computer less. Because it just makes stuff worse really. But I promise I won't forgot you guys.

I need lyrics.

Colliding Neurons

The unthinkable happened, actually. The... unexpected thing I guess. So you know how I would always complain about the changing perspectives and all that? And how I just wanted to stay with one or whatever, probably the Ann Arbor one?

Yeah well guess what.

Well I sort of figured out my strategy, which was sort of to avoid the computer during the week, so as not to allow a "conflicting" perspective to sneak in. But then when I go back on to the computer and find out about all the wonderful happenings all of my wonderful happenings are experiencing, formerly and sort of still without my knowledge, I feel like screaming again, because yesterday I felt like I didn't want to go to back to Ann Arbor. Then I decided I actually did rather want to go home, because that would solve pretty much everything. Quick and painless. But nah, I just have to wait 5 in a half months to solve this thing. Which, for some reason, is somewhat okay with me.

In a way.

I just feel like, if there's no energy back there, and I have energy over here, it's almost not worth it. It's like.. why do I even bother feeling like this if my friends don't? But yeah I mean... whatever.

I almost hate the weekends now. I went to the French band practice. It actually wasn't too bad, but lasted from 8:30-10:30. I was zoning out. The conductor was actually pretty awesome. There were 6 trumpets, one sort of middle-aged guy that was really good that talked with my dad and I, two French teens, the American dude, me and Mary. The American dude had curly black hair and I noticed iPod headphones peaking out under his dark sweatshirt. He played the same part as me and Mary, and spoke fluent French. "So where were you before you came over here?" he asked conversationally while the conductor focused on a different section. "Uh... USA... Michigan," I replied, subconsciencely frittering with my second valve. "Michigan?" he cleared up, and I nodded. I nearly laughed when he pronounced it like "Mitchigan".

The pieces were not too bad; there were maybe 10 or so. We photo-copied them, and later I noticed they had a little box at the top saying Photo-copying is illegal! Woops. Most of them were English titles, like "Cutie Honey", "Robin Hood", "The Rock", "Music", "Sing, Sing, Sing", and maybe a few others. I played third part, which was actually somewhat hard. Well, this was only my first time playing them so I think I did alright. The conductor, a thin, tall French man with black hair, the kind that's short but sticks up sort of like a ledge on the forehead. He would periodically course his hand through it, singing the rhythm for the mistaken sections.

The band was moslty teens, and I was probably the youngest. But it also had quite... aged.. members. Two trombones to the right, then one French Horn on the end of the 3rd row. The first row had maybe about 5-10 flutes, and then the second row with clarinets. A young woman on the drums, who absoutely rocked. Bass section was mostly the older citizens.

So yeah it was ok I guess. The French, as I have mentioned, use "do re mi... etc" instead of the note names, so maybe I should work on that. Thank goodness music is written the same in every country, though.

This year's winter was pretty much the most unmemorable, at least on this side of the world. I envy you people with sub-freezing temperatures. No seriously. Even sub-zero.

I'm trying to read more. I was disappointed with The Lake House by James Patterson, which I just finished. It was...ugh. I definitely saw the improvement comparing it to Maximum Ride. Hockey was alright, and yeah and yeah.

This song.

"Sans" a growl

A few things.

Days going by fast-ness. And I actually don't really even dread school completely. Sort of. 

Tuesday night was pretty much the best day so far. I met that other French trumpet player, who yeah does know some English. We played Cantoloupe Island by Herbie Hancock and some other jazz stuff. Which is pretty much the best thing ever. I was counting the rests in French in my head, and me and my teacher again had a conversation or two about the different languages. The phrase "it works" actually doesn't make much sense. (The kind where you say "the computer works", etc) In French they say "it walks". Yeah. Weird. And other things. I guess I'll try out the French band on Friday. It'll be interesting to compare them. According to Mary, (the other trumpet player girl) there's an American trumpet player in the band. Who obviously knows English. So, cool.

I also found out today that one of the new students in our class knows English. She came up to me one time and said, "You speak English?" So apparently she knows a little bit. She didn't even have such a strong French accent when talking. Bonus. So, that's another cool prospect.

On Tuesday I had to work in a gym group with these two French girls that did not know any English. It actually wasn't an epic fail. I could understand most of what they were saying, and they didn't seem to secretly insult me in their foreign languages. Then again, if it was secret it'd be hard to tell. The thing that annoyed me was that the teacher asked some other classmates if they knew English and would translate for me, and the girls said they didn't know English. And I knew they did. Psh. Wtf? But I didn't even need a translation. I wasn't that hopeless to not understand "deux duos et trois trios". Sheesh.

Yeah so, despite the fact that I have been very much out of touch and "behind" with my friends back home, I'm sort of enjoying the French-experience-ness as of late. Gee, never expected to have that sentence in here. Unsarcastically. 

I'm doing hockey tonight I guess. I hadn't played in almost a month. I'm sort of tired though, still have some homework, but I shall survive! I'm too short to jump over the boards though. They are sort of high, though. Growl. (what?) 

I am, however, extremely annoyed at the English math online homework. GAH! They marked me off for forgetting a 0.1 or rounding it weird. It's so messed up. I frickin' KNOW how to find the area and circumference of a circle, but noo my calculator refuses to use the Pi button correctly. 

So yeah. I'm pretty much doing over part of 6th grade, and 7th grade. But this time it's mostly in a different language, I didn't know anyone, and I have a higher risk of second-hand lung cancer.

I know. 

And yet I somehow am getting more out of it than those last two years.

You guys have fun in Montreal. I wonder how that French experience compares.

Older Than Stale Bread

Random Movie Reviews by a Random Blogger Number Two

Last night I saw Jumper. I probably actually wouldn't want to see it, if not for the fact that the Ann Arbor News had a bunch of articles on it earlier, because part of it was filmed in my favorite town.

So, for those of you unfamiliar with the plot, there's this guy who can teleport. He can like look at a picture and be there in seconds. Turns out there are more of those people, and they are all being hunted by these other "normal" people called Paladins. So the main character, David, who I realized half-way through the movie was Anakin from Episode 3 (Hayden Christensen- ugh), has to avoid them and save his girlfriend Milly or whatever. Everyone thought he was dead from falling into the frozen Huron River, but nah he teleports to the library.

"One second I was a goner, the other I found myself in the Ann Arbor Library"- David (not exact quote, but deal with it)

I have a few rants about the movie. Because it is not logical. For one, the Paladins hunt them for the sole purpose that "the Jumpers can do anything they want", even though technically they hadn't done anything actually bad. Andddd the Paladins kill the innocent relatives, so they should be arrested.

Sorry if these are spoilers, but I don't think you'll see this movie, because, well, I don't really recommend it. Which is sort of saying you'll actually listen to what I'm saying, but whatever.
------------------

So anyway. Went skiing today with my dad. It was actually quite awesome. I went down a red trail or two (green is easiest, then blue, red, black) and one of them was so steep you couldn't see the bottom at one point. I fell down, half on purpose, and then just dug sideways with my skis in the snow down. It was worthy of a few swearwords.

Things are good I guess... people thinking about high school a lot lately.

I almost feel like the only person I can relate to right now is the person who's in the similar position as me. And the others are just.. I do not even know.

Not good.

But then again, it's all an over-reaction. In fact, it's all real! All fake! I know!

Questioning Album Names (

Talking Heads- Remain in Light (album)- just think about the title.

I found out something this week.

I hadn't even touched a computer, much less use it, since Sunday. I got lots of stuff done, felt really great. Now that I am using it, I realize how almost controlling it can get. How manipulating and perspective-changing it is. Why yes, it is like I have another life made up of pixels. 

I guess Gmail is getting sort of old lately. It was a few months ago, but then people got back on. Now I'm sort of on the "tired of Gmail boat". Now, although I love talking to my friends (most of the time) and all, the act of communicating through those little boxes with pixels and misspelled words to people on a different continent... for some reason it just... it almost actively creates these emotions, which you can probably guess, are mostly negative. For example, I might miss them more or just.. hate France more. Annddddd then the act of writing about all of this (i.e. blogging) again sort of creates that other perspective that I am sad, I hate this place, I want my friends, etc. etc.

But then of course this brings up the concept of forgetting... things and people I guess. And like I'm giving up on that other safe place, the Ann Arbor/Slauson perspective. Which must not happen. No no. It won't, either. I shudder at the thought.

In fact, as of right now, I do feel almost crappy. Well no. Not really. But I better publish this post before my brain starts thinking there are problems.

So yeah. I'm having a pretty great week. My FLE schedule changed, so now I only have 5 (used to be 8) and get to go home an hour early on Tuesday. I also get to go to all of my English classes now. Boo-yah. Oh and then Claudia (you know- that one girl my age who spoke English, Portugese and like Spanish) left, as well as Quinn earlier. Jess's car broke down in Belgium over break, so she missed Monday and Tuesday. Pretty much the whole class and load of teacher knew about it. Ah, before I forget, I wanted to mention something. It is a problem, that has probably been mentioned earlier, but whatever.

I feel like my work ethic is being messed up. I almost prefer my French classes because I don't have as many expectations. I don't answer questions in French math, even though I could fairly easily (I know how to say numbers and stuff). I'm not really expected to do a lot of stuff in my other classes. My chemistry teacher did ask me if I wanted to try to explain how to solve this one question on a test. I might have considered it, but I did kinda get that question wrong. I still of course try hard in English, but am almost dreading the class in the back of my mind. And yet not really. 

I don't have hardly any pressure to get good grades, so when I go to high school it might pretty much be... utter heck. But not really. At least I'll have a good story to tell.

I mean, ok, it's not like I'm not really learning. I get what the teacher is saying most of the time, and do do some French work. 

In Spanish I discovered I had a terrible Spanish accent. I wanted to put phlegm on the word, like in French. Which is proof again that learning two languages at once in a different language kinda really sort of messes with the mind. But I guess I deal.

Last night my family and I had a conversation about language, as we tend to do over here. We compare them (mostly English and French, maybe Spanish and some other European languages) and I mostly complain about how more complicated French is or something. No but seriously.

Mr. Sammons, my English library teacher who I get once a week on Mondays, who is also Canadian and sort of my favorite teacher, claimed that we were already half-way down with the second trimester. Or at least, that time would fly and we're already pretty far with the year. Sure, there was mention of us tightening up our grades, but I couldn't help but grin throughout almost the entire lecture.

I'm having a good week. 

"Intellectual" is my favorite word as of late. I have a new resolution to read 50 books in the year. 

I guess I'll see some of you guys on Gmail later. I hope?

Proof of Time (HALF-WAY POINT)

One half. Two fourths. Four eighths. Six months.

That's about....

182.5 days

4,380 hours

262,800 minutes

15,768,000 seconds

1,371 chats

1,600 in all mail

So that's about... 8 chats a day.

I still remember the first day, of course. And in the Detroit Airport, and sleeping in our friends's houses, and when I got to see Pascale and Jenny that one time, and the going-away parties, the much hanging out, the summer boredom, having to go to CERN to check email and chat, the much homesickness, the hating, the tests I took at the beginning of the year, that nostalgic smell in France of a waxy red with pastries and small yogurt containers and lettuce and more vegetables, my new friends, forgetting Slauson, rethinking my approach to life and all, and then all the changes. It was raining that first day. Everything was just so weird. First day of school, too- singing on the walk home, holding about 10 heavy textbooks. I kept thinking about going home, and still do.

Although I have been here for that longish stretch of time, I still get weirded-out attacks. Not so much culture shock in the more. Nah. I just still get confused whenever I think about how I, Amelia, am in France. Have been for 6 months. Just 6 more to go.

I think it took me... maybe 4 months or so to decide the trip was in fact worth it. I'm sort of "liking" it. Well, maybe I shouldn't go that far. I can live, I can find ways to not hate it, and I can somehow maintain survival. I mean, not to brag or anything. In no way how did I survive this far without my friends. But to remain from becoming too cheesy, I'll save all that... "thank you omg" stuff for... never or later. I mean, they know who they are. Or at least I'd assume so, after all of that chatting.

So here I go. Second half. Can't be that much harder, right? Whatever. Everything is everything.

And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, alright
Already we'll all float on
No, don't you worry, we'll all float on
Alright, I'm ready, we'll all float on
Alright, don't worry, we'll all float on

(Float on by Modest Mouse)

Needles and Cloth Hidden in the Closet

Crap. I am just so tired. I am just so pissed. I am just so... ugh-ed. Just came back from skiing, which was at the same place where we went with Steve and Simon, which if you remember was a failure. This time it wasn't so bad, but we got separated and my mom and I had to walk around in heavy, bulky boots around place. My dad wanted to go down again, so we had to wait for like... hours. It is not fun walking around in those. It is not. Especially while carrying huge skis and poles. We were there like the whole day, and of course I can't really talk to my friends because its like... whatever. UGH. UGH. STOP THIS. I wiped out once. I went too fast down this hill and wasn't in control, and then just crashed down right before this line for a lift. It wasn't even actually painful like at all. Sure, it was right in front of some people but I seriously didn't care. I just got up and chuckled, saying to myself, "that was... really...failure."

I hate hate hate hate the... the... perspective stuff. As you guys all know. Just... so much stupid stupid drama, not doing anything for break, still having homework, not being able to talk to people my age really, and then of course me just being tired and everything sucking. I know, pessimistic much? Dependent, much?

I wanted to write yesterday, because things got weird. When do they not. This break sort of messed things up. I was happy sure, but then of course it just ends. And I'm left with that.. school? What the crap. Let's not think about that. STOP. STOP.

I like this song on her playlist. This should make me happy. STOP. I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO HOMESICKNESS. YOU ARE OVERREACTING. STOP. STOP.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

It's pretty weird. You might have a first reaction to things, like maybe sadness. But then maybe optimism kicks in and you say to yourself, "Oh- but am I sad??!!" as if challenging the first self. Then you decide you're not sad, and that life rocks. But then you think, "I shouldn't be lying to myself. Maybe life really does suck" and then... I dunno.

That is what happens to me. And therefore, I had no idea what I really was thinking. I had no idea if I liked France, or if I wasn't having fun, or if I just.. I DON'T KNOW.

It happens as well in smaller circumstances. They all say love is confusing and all. Say you liked someone. There's always the thing where you don't really want to, and if you do, maybe you don't in fact like them. And then maybe you're just making it up, and then maybe it's real. And then maybe its just so stupid you can't handle it and you stop.

But then, can you ignore your feelings? We all play with our emotions... well at least I have. What with the whole "I don't know how I honestly feel" aspect. But does that even erase them? Does that just hide them? And they eat at you?

And THEN there's the whole thing where I'm just making this crap up and its just stupid crap just like everything else.

Ok, that was an exaggeration. But the thing I'm just thinking about is just... your brain... it..... well no.

We all get pissed. We all change. Those things have happened a few times during those 6 months. We referring to my friends and I mostly. Mostly I just bite the bullet, and try to help them of course. Because about 99% of the time, they get back to... well not their past self. That's in the past. But just... it's solved? We're good. My friends' attitudes affect me, you can bet on that. No. No. What am I talking about. Why?

Sigh. There's chats, there's emails, and there's phone calls. The only thing left is actually them. I guess I'm used to just the pixels now, but after awhile you almost punch yourself in the face. Or throw rocks.

I stay up too late. The day is already wasted. But then I can't talk to my friends if I don't stay up really. Why does she have to be idle? I need. To. Frickin. Talk.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

Change. Music. Jason Mraz's voice. Fads. Everyone's doing it. Jokes. Saying lol too much. Listening. Not understanding. Overreacting. Correcting typos. Drama. Sighing. Ughing. People. People becoming your friends without you even realizing it. No regrets. Biting bullets. Not eating snow. They don't care about their name. Change. Not even realizing yourself. Complaining about self-centeredness. Resolutions. Think you're weird. My math teacher is a snappy dresser. Gravel with white paint. It's almost Wednesday. You know what? I'm ready to be done with this. Scraping boots. Australian accents. She is not my friend. I want Ann Arbor. I don't want Ann Arbor. I am tired of forgetting about it. Throwing rocks. This isn't even necessary. STAR GAZING. Sending letters. Ready to fall. Ready to forget. Ready to finish. Of course it's outside. It all is. Not having this. W is screwed. Sugar down the throat. Being used to French and France and numbness and no parks no sledding some football good drums I need to talk to them STOP TRANSLATING no algebra. No. No. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Of course its stupid. Finding or creating? Giving up. No response. No comprehension. No reading. No talking. No them. And then it goes away, and its mixed. Again. Again. And again. Why not stop? I am a trumpet player. I gotta have courage. It's ok. You can do it you can do it it's almost over please just last just do this for all of your friends ok? Just get through through through through through through thr

Lights will guide you home

They say we're in the pursuit of this thing called happiness. But then Ellen Kenner brought up the fact that it's a means of traveling. I guess it's all about perspective, how you could be happy 100% of your life, if you look at it the right way. Theories aside, I am happy.

Coldplay's X&Y album in the background, French car horns blasting, fireworks going off, a whole bunch of material items now in my possession, close and incredibly nice friends, being practically half-way done, the prospect of the second half going faster than the first, knowing there is a tomorrow and even looking forward to it.

And although I am one of many, and my current positive feelings mainly only affect those directly near me, it's all connected. It gives one a new sense of... living sort of. Getting what they want. Brain is content, eager to take in and process all of this new information. Having words and a large vocabulary to express thoughts... having drooping eyes, and sore mouth muscles from laughing and grinning. Wanting to scream out "thank you thank you" a thousand times, not caring who hears. Having physical things, but also mental things I suppose.

Heck, I might even go into spanish class smiling with this.

Heck, I will, dang it!

This is life.