blue ink #15

As it turns out, Madame Martin isn't here today or tomorrow. And if you didn't know, she is my Spanish teacher. I literally jumped up and down when Jess told me. I haven't done a blue ink in a while, you know? Geez, the etude teachers need to chill. Whenever they start yelling violently or glaring with fiery passion (those are pretty much the only modes- they hardly ever "smile"), I just sit there all calm and content, thinking, "man, you guys need to seriously listen to some Jason Mraz or something..." I imagine they do have quite demanding jobs. Having to deal with the effects of impatient, annoying, immature kids surrounding them. But still.

Today you can't really see the mountains, replaced with a grey smudge on a window of inspiration. Which isn't to say grey isn't inspirational. Anyway. I'm excited because break is soon and I ordered 8 awesome, cool CD's on amazon which should arrive in like a week or so. I sort of messed up 6 of them because I made them deliver to the Physics Department at the U of M. But somehow we'll get them I suppose. And since you're so interested, I'll tell you guys which ones I ordered.

Ben Folds Five- Whatever and Ever Amen, The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner and Naked Baby Photos

Ben Folds- Songs For Silverman

Red Hot Chili Peppers- By the Way and Blood Sugar Sex Magik

Rolling Stones- Hot Rocks

So yeah. It'll be great. I have no idea how I'll bring all of my CD's and new stuff home though, because my suitcase(s) were already pretty full when he came, but yeah... they could be magical carry-on. 

SPEAKING OF going home, Jamuarmy is nearing to a close, which then leaves me (us) with a mere 5 months left! And February is about half break, so that should go fast. Then there's March, 2-week break in April and the home stretch in May and June, both of which contain a few long weekends. Looks good to me.

Sometimes I get nostalgic over here. The weirded-out attacks are way fewer and I guess my brain is just set on this ending, like really set on it, but for some reason that concept seems weird. I keep playing over different scenarios in my mind, keep counting down the days, keep writing and thinking, keep holding on to old memories of life back there. And since I sort of like it here now, it is a considerable amount more pleasant and going pretty fast.

But since I somehow always get rambling on that self-centered subject, I'll change for both our sakes. Or just stop writing altogether. My next class is SVT, which I don't like much. We got a sub, a very short-, black-haired guy with thin side burns and a bit of a five-o'clock shadow, who'll stay till about April who seems alright. He talks a ton, and often forgets I don't speak French. I get tired of his rambling, which even though is in a different language and therefore easier to tune out, makes me want him to just shut up and speak English so my brain can actually understand what the crap he's talking about. I like having my brain understand things. My brain likes that too, I suppose.

I think I have a sort of curse. Because of this whole thing. The curse is basically, that my brain will have this reflex or habit to often times translate things I read, things I think and just.. things into French. Or at least sort of comparing the two languages. As I have mentioned, my English spelling and vocabulary is sometimes hesitant. It actually doesn't happen much in English classes, but when it does it's incredibly annoying. Maybe useful in some sense, and it will probably fade once I won't hear French about 7 hours a day. 

Ugh. The East won the NHL All-Star Game. Whatever.

I wonder what I'd say if someone asked me what "all this writing" on this paper was.

-------------------------------------

I forgot to mention a few things. I had a most interesting Tuesday, because my sport teacher wasn't there. Which meant 3 free hours in the morning. Which meant I could go play hockey. It actually wasn't all that fun because, well, of the usual reasons I guess. I don't think I got enough sleep, so I was especially slow. Excuses, excuses. Sigh. I just wish I could play with people that didn't have deadly slap shots, could skate at least 2 times faster or that made me feel like a.... like a measly kid compared to their height. Or that didn't try to make plays, pass to me (but in a way I was grateful for that) or just... offer... encouragement-ness. But I guess sometimes you gotta be tough. It was just a practice.

So after hockey, I of course took a shower and all- if I didn't, it would have been the most ultimate hygienic fail. And I got a pastry. I should really eat more... French like things. I mean seriously. What the crap am I going to eat when I get back home?

The Host is turning out to be awesome. But even I need a new perspective break after reading that. Just part of being human, I guess. Which is pretty much the whole point of the book. 

I'd really really really like to see and know what other people thought of me, and basically everything. People just need to be frickin' free. One guy once said death was the ultimate freedom or something, because that's when a lot of people just leave a note (say) what they really think. 

Selfless, Cold and Composed

Title song here: by Ben Folds Five

You ever feel like you just want to forget about some things, and just kind of do certain things? Just let go of everything else?

I thought I did. But then I decided to just go with the flow with stuff, and just kind of make it through the rest of the 100-something days. Which was sort of the only option, you know?

This weekend was considerably better, but still not so great. I had my party, which was really awesome. We saw Slumdog Millionaire and it was awesome. Puts stuff into perspective, like how we seriously are really really lucky. I mean seriously.

Only this week and then another till break, in which we'll go to Italy with Zach's friend. I want to ride my bike around Geneva someday, taking pictures of the graffiti or something.

It's really quite amazing how things go by so fast and all. It's kind of cool. It's like one big roller coaster, where I go fast through the fun parts and then it's all of a sudden at an annoying part all the time, but it just kind of.. ends eventually. 

I get a song stuck in my head to get through the week normally. Last week it was Jane by Ben Folds Five. Helps remind myself there's still some awesomeness out there and like I have a place to go I guess.

I'm...

reading the Host

going to order a bunch of awesome CD's

sort of writing a song or two

thinking about writing a short story

tired, maybe getting sick

still here

It's kinda fun being here on Earth and all. Seein' the show. Being the show. Whatever show. And manipulating, experimenting with the lighting.

It Smells Fine. Just Put it in Your Mouth.

"Hey.. Emma... we so rock at not doing anything in art class, don't we?" Emma turned around to look at me and gave a little laugh. Another awesome art class passing, and of course Emma then asks, with a little bit of eagerness in her voice, "Are you going to FAT tonight?!???!" I put my coat on and answer with one I had been using a lot. "Eh... well I have that band. French band. But what are you guys doing in FAT?"
"Oh, we've been doing...stuff.. well actually this week is Rock Fest," My eyebrows jolt up and I inquire further, deciding immediately to go to FAT instead of the French band. It sounded absolutely awesome.

An hour or so later, my ears were being injected with utter volume. There were two acoustic guitar/singing players, who were actually rather amazing. One of them, Ryan, is in my Spanish class. He had a few songs, all original, and actually could sing. I was impressed. I was actually digging all the music, except maybe when it was just pure noise. There were three other bands, two of which were actually pretty good. The other was younger and yeah. I recognized some guys from my school. There were no female performers, actually. Except for the interns, who played Eye of the Tiger. So yeah. It was rather great, actually. I should have brought my camera and all. And then tomorrow is my birthday party, so we'll see Slumdog Millionaire. Supposed to be really awesome.

You might be wondering about the title. They seem to like doing these slightly.. stupid... games at FAT Friday, and this week's one was to jump rope with an egg in your mouth. I know. So apparently the eggs smelled bad, but the guy said {see title} and I just thought that was hilarious.

On Thursday we had to take these Key Stage 3 (English thing) practice tests. I think I did alright, but I barely finished. I have a sort of.. philosophy on things now. I just figure, "well hey, this will just all pass and be in my memory very soon so... just take in what you can" and then of course it all passes, and I'm left with the memories to reflect on. It's pretty awesome to use. Not like I can't. Jason Mraz (my new obsession pretty much) also said stuff about how the only real time that matters is now. And I agree with that. Because technically, the future doesn't really exist. I mean, yeah. He seems to have an awesome life.

Haven't blogged in a while. I haven't even touched the computer either in a while. I am now in much need of a guitar. Well, I have one (my dad's) but I like electric. Must jam! Right about now! That concert really did it for me. I mean, I guess. I hadn't gone to FAT in at least a month. I now find myself with about 160 days to go, a bunch of ideas, almost-forgotten friends who deliver much new-news, a bunch of inspirations, a CD-obsession, and sort of a plan worked out. Or at least, some new information.

This year, already a bunch of ... wow things have happened. I mean, there was

France thing in general
Learning two languages... simultaneously
French band
Trip to England
New music obsessions
Hockey with middle aged men
College-like life
English accents
Absence of algebra
New Friends
Perspective

and now a rock concert, and we're planning on going to Florence, Italy during a break soon. Awesome, much? I've also decided to actually use the computer less. Because it just makes stuff worse really. But I promise I won't forgot you guys.

I need lyrics.

Colliding Neurons

The unthinkable happened, actually. The... unexpected thing I guess. So you know how I would always complain about the changing perspectives and all that? And how I just wanted to stay with one or whatever, probably the Ann Arbor one?

Yeah well guess what.

Well I sort of figured out my strategy, which was sort of to avoid the computer during the week, so as not to allow a "conflicting" perspective to sneak in. But then when I go back on to the computer and find out about all the wonderful happenings all of my wonderful happenings are experiencing, formerly and sort of still without my knowledge, I feel like screaming again, because yesterday I felt like I didn't want to go to back to Ann Arbor. Then I decided I actually did rather want to go home, because that would solve pretty much everything. Quick and painless. But nah, I just have to wait 5 in a half months to solve this thing. Which, for some reason, is somewhat okay with me.

In a way.

I just feel like, if there's no energy back there, and I have energy over here, it's almost not worth it. It's like.. why do I even bother feeling like this if my friends don't? But yeah I mean... whatever.

I almost hate the weekends now. I went to the French band practice. It actually wasn't too bad, but lasted from 8:30-10:30. I was zoning out. The conductor was actually pretty awesome. There were 6 trumpets, one sort of middle-aged guy that was really good that talked with my dad and I, two French teens, the American dude, me and Mary. The American dude had curly black hair and I noticed iPod headphones peaking out under his dark sweatshirt. He played the same part as me and Mary, and spoke fluent French. "So where were you before you came over here?" he asked conversationally while the conductor focused on a different section. "Uh... USA... Michigan," I replied, subconsciencely frittering with my second valve. "Michigan?" he cleared up, and I nodded. I nearly laughed when he pronounced it like "Mitchigan".

The pieces were not too bad; there were maybe 10 or so. We photo-copied them, and later I noticed they had a little box at the top saying Photo-copying is illegal! Woops. Most of them were English titles, like "Cutie Honey", "Robin Hood", "The Rock", "Music", "Sing, Sing, Sing", and maybe a few others. I played third part, which was actually somewhat hard. Well, this was only my first time playing them so I think I did alright. The conductor, a thin, tall French man with black hair, the kind that's short but sticks up sort of like a ledge on the forehead. He would periodically course his hand through it, singing the rhythm for the mistaken sections.

The band was moslty teens, and I was probably the youngest. But it also had quite... aged.. members. Two trombones to the right, then one French Horn on the end of the 3rd row. The first row had maybe about 5-10 flutes, and then the second row with clarinets. A young woman on the drums, who absoutely rocked. Bass section was mostly the older citizens.

So yeah it was ok I guess. The French, as I have mentioned, use "do re mi... etc" instead of the note names, so maybe I should work on that. Thank goodness music is written the same in every country, though.

This year's winter was pretty much the most unmemorable, at least on this side of the world. I envy you people with sub-freezing temperatures. No seriously. Even sub-zero.

I'm trying to read more. I was disappointed with The Lake House by James Patterson, which I just finished. It was...ugh. I definitely saw the improvement comparing it to Maximum Ride. Hockey was alright, and yeah and yeah.

This song.

"Sans" a growl

A few things.

Days going by fast-ness. And I actually don't really even dread school completely. Sort of. 

Tuesday night was pretty much the best day so far. I met that other French trumpet player, who yeah does know some English. We played Cantoloupe Island by Herbie Hancock and some other jazz stuff. Which is pretty much the best thing ever. I was counting the rests in French in my head, and me and my teacher again had a conversation or two about the different languages. The phrase "it works" actually doesn't make much sense. (The kind where you say "the computer works", etc) In French they say "it walks". Yeah. Weird. And other things. I guess I'll try out the French band on Friday. It'll be interesting to compare them. According to Mary, (the other trumpet player girl) there's an American trumpet player in the band. Who obviously knows English. So, cool.

I also found out today that one of the new students in our class knows English. She came up to me one time and said, "You speak English?" So apparently she knows a little bit. She didn't even have such a strong French accent when talking. Bonus. So, that's another cool prospect.

On Tuesday I had to work in a gym group with these two French girls that did not know any English. It actually wasn't an epic fail. I could understand most of what they were saying, and they didn't seem to secretly insult me in their foreign languages. Then again, if it was secret it'd be hard to tell. The thing that annoyed me was that the teacher asked some other classmates if they knew English and would translate for me, and the girls said they didn't know English. And I knew they did. Psh. Wtf? But I didn't even need a translation. I wasn't that hopeless to not understand "deux duos et trois trios". Sheesh.

Yeah so, despite the fact that I have been very much out of touch and "behind" with my friends back home, I'm sort of enjoying the French-experience-ness as of late. Gee, never expected to have that sentence in here. Unsarcastically. 

I'm doing hockey tonight I guess. I hadn't played in almost a month. I'm sort of tired though, still have some homework, but I shall survive! I'm too short to jump over the boards though. They are sort of high, though. Growl. (what?) 

I am, however, extremely annoyed at the English math online homework. GAH! They marked me off for forgetting a 0.1 or rounding it weird. It's so messed up. I frickin' KNOW how to find the area and circumference of a circle, but noo my calculator refuses to use the Pi button correctly. 

So yeah. I'm pretty much doing over part of 6th grade, and 7th grade. But this time it's mostly in a different language, I didn't know anyone, and I have a higher risk of second-hand lung cancer.

I know. 

And yet I somehow am getting more out of it than those last two years.

You guys have fun in Montreal. I wonder how that French experience compares.

Older Than Stale Bread

Random Movie Reviews by a Random Blogger Number Two

Last night I saw Jumper. I probably actually wouldn't want to see it, if not for the fact that the Ann Arbor News had a bunch of articles on it earlier, because part of it was filmed in my favorite town.

So, for those of you unfamiliar with the plot, there's this guy who can teleport. He can like look at a picture and be there in seconds. Turns out there are more of those people, and they are all being hunted by these other "normal" people called Paladins. So the main character, David, who I realized half-way through the movie was Anakin from Episode 3 (Hayden Christensen- ugh), has to avoid them and save his girlfriend Milly or whatever. Everyone thought he was dead from falling into the frozen Huron River, but nah he teleports to the library.

"One second I was a goner, the other I found myself in the Ann Arbor Library"- David (not exact quote, but deal with it)

I have a few rants about the movie. Because it is not logical. For one, the Paladins hunt them for the sole purpose that "the Jumpers can do anything they want", even though technically they hadn't done anything actually bad. Andddd the Paladins kill the innocent relatives, so they should be arrested.

Sorry if these are spoilers, but I don't think you'll see this movie, because, well, I don't really recommend it. Which is sort of saying you'll actually listen to what I'm saying, but whatever.
------------------

So anyway. Went skiing today with my dad. It was actually quite awesome. I went down a red trail or two (green is easiest, then blue, red, black) and one of them was so steep you couldn't see the bottom at one point. I fell down, half on purpose, and then just dug sideways with my skis in the snow down. It was worthy of a few swearwords.

Things are good I guess... people thinking about high school a lot lately.

I almost feel like the only person I can relate to right now is the person who's in the similar position as me. And the others are just.. I do not even know.

Not good.

But then again, it's all an over-reaction. In fact, it's all real! All fake! I know!

Questioning Album Names (

Talking Heads- Remain in Light (album)- just think about the title.

I found out something this week.

I hadn't even touched a computer, much less use it, since Sunday. I got lots of stuff done, felt really great. Now that I am using it, I realize how almost controlling it can get. How manipulating and perspective-changing it is. Why yes, it is like I have another life made up of pixels. 

I guess Gmail is getting sort of old lately. It was a few months ago, but then people got back on. Now I'm sort of on the "tired of Gmail boat". Now, although I love talking to my friends (most of the time) and all, the act of communicating through those little boxes with pixels and misspelled words to people on a different continent... for some reason it just... it almost actively creates these emotions, which you can probably guess, are mostly negative. For example, I might miss them more or just.. hate France more. Annddddd then the act of writing about all of this (i.e. blogging) again sort of creates that other perspective that I am sad, I hate this place, I want my friends, etc. etc.

But then of course this brings up the concept of forgetting... things and people I guess. And like I'm giving up on that other safe place, the Ann Arbor/Slauson perspective. Which must not happen. No no. It won't, either. I shudder at the thought.

In fact, as of right now, I do feel almost crappy. Well no. Not really. But I better publish this post before my brain starts thinking there are problems.

So yeah. I'm having a pretty great week. My FLE schedule changed, so now I only have 5 (used to be 8) and get to go home an hour early on Tuesday. I also get to go to all of my English classes now. Boo-yah. Oh and then Claudia (you know- that one girl my age who spoke English, Portugese and like Spanish) left, as well as Quinn earlier. Jess's car broke down in Belgium over break, so she missed Monday and Tuesday. Pretty much the whole class and load of teacher knew about it. Ah, before I forget, I wanted to mention something. It is a problem, that has probably been mentioned earlier, but whatever.

I feel like my work ethic is being messed up. I almost prefer my French classes because I don't have as many expectations. I don't answer questions in French math, even though I could fairly easily (I know how to say numbers and stuff). I'm not really expected to do a lot of stuff in my other classes. My chemistry teacher did ask me if I wanted to try to explain how to solve this one question on a test. I might have considered it, but I did kinda get that question wrong. I still of course try hard in English, but am almost dreading the class in the back of my mind. And yet not really. 

I don't have hardly any pressure to get good grades, so when I go to high school it might pretty much be... utter heck. But not really. At least I'll have a good story to tell.

I mean, ok, it's not like I'm not really learning. I get what the teacher is saying most of the time, and do do some French work. 

In Spanish I discovered I had a terrible Spanish accent. I wanted to put phlegm on the word, like in French. Which is proof again that learning two languages at once in a different language kinda really sort of messes with the mind. But I guess I deal.

Last night my family and I had a conversation about language, as we tend to do over here. We compare them (mostly English and French, maybe Spanish and some other European languages) and I mostly complain about how more complicated French is or something. No but seriously.

Mr. Sammons, my English library teacher who I get once a week on Mondays, who is also Canadian and sort of my favorite teacher, claimed that we were already half-way down with the second trimester. Or at least, that time would fly and we're already pretty far with the year. Sure, there was mention of us tightening up our grades, but I couldn't help but grin throughout almost the entire lecture.

I'm having a good week. 

"Intellectual" is my favorite word as of late. I have a new resolution to read 50 books in the year. 

I guess I'll see some of you guys on Gmail later. I hope?

Proof of Time (HALF-WAY POINT)

One half. Two fourths. Four eighths. Six months.

That's about....

182.5 days

4,380 hours

262,800 minutes

15,768,000 seconds

1,371 chats

1,600 in all mail

So that's about... 8 chats a day.

I still remember the first day, of course. And in the Detroit Airport, and sleeping in our friends's houses, and when I got to see Pascale and Jenny that one time, and the going-away parties, the much hanging out, the summer boredom, having to go to CERN to check email and chat, the much homesickness, the hating, the tests I took at the beginning of the year, that nostalgic smell in France of a waxy red with pastries and small yogurt containers and lettuce and more vegetables, my new friends, forgetting Slauson, rethinking my approach to life and all, and then all the changes. It was raining that first day. Everything was just so weird. First day of school, too- singing on the walk home, holding about 10 heavy textbooks. I kept thinking about going home, and still do.

Although I have been here for that longish stretch of time, I still get weirded-out attacks. Not so much culture shock in the more. Nah. I just still get confused whenever I think about how I, Amelia, am in France. Have been for 6 months. Just 6 more to go.

I think it took me... maybe 4 months or so to decide the trip was in fact worth it. I'm sort of "liking" it. Well, maybe I shouldn't go that far. I can live, I can find ways to not hate it, and I can somehow maintain survival. I mean, not to brag or anything. In no way how did I survive this far without my friends. But to remain from becoming too cheesy, I'll save all that... "thank you omg" stuff for... never or later. I mean, they know who they are. Or at least I'd assume so, after all of that chatting.

So here I go. Second half. Can't be that much harder, right? Whatever. Everything is everything.

And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, ok
And we'll all float on, alright
Already we'll all float on
No, don't you worry, we'll all float on
Alright, I'm ready, we'll all float on
Alright, don't worry, we'll all float on

(Float on by Modest Mouse)

Needles and Cloth Hidden in the Closet

Crap. I am just so tired. I am just so pissed. I am just so... ugh-ed. Just came back from skiing, which was at the same place where we went with Steve and Simon, which if you remember was a failure. This time it wasn't so bad, but we got separated and my mom and I had to walk around in heavy, bulky boots around place. My dad wanted to go down again, so we had to wait for like... hours. It is not fun walking around in those. It is not. Especially while carrying huge skis and poles. We were there like the whole day, and of course I can't really talk to my friends because its like... whatever. UGH. UGH. STOP THIS. I wiped out once. I went too fast down this hill and wasn't in control, and then just crashed down right before this line for a lift. It wasn't even actually painful like at all. Sure, it was right in front of some people but I seriously didn't care. I just got up and chuckled, saying to myself, "that was... really...failure."

I hate hate hate hate the... the... perspective stuff. As you guys all know. Just... so much stupid stupid drama, not doing anything for break, still having homework, not being able to talk to people my age really, and then of course me just being tired and everything sucking. I know, pessimistic much? Dependent, much?

I wanted to write yesterday, because things got weird. When do they not. This break sort of messed things up. I was happy sure, but then of course it just ends. And I'm left with that.. school? What the crap. Let's not think about that. STOP. STOP.

I like this song on her playlist. This should make me happy. STOP. I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO HOMESICKNESS. YOU ARE OVERREACTING. STOP. STOP.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

It's pretty weird. You might have a first reaction to things, like maybe sadness. But then maybe optimism kicks in and you say to yourself, "Oh- but am I sad??!!" as if challenging the first self. Then you decide you're not sad, and that life rocks. But then you think, "I shouldn't be lying to myself. Maybe life really does suck" and then... I dunno.

That is what happens to me. And therefore, I had no idea what I really was thinking. I had no idea if I liked France, or if I wasn't having fun, or if I just.. I DON'T KNOW.

It happens as well in smaller circumstances. They all say love is confusing and all. Say you liked someone. There's always the thing where you don't really want to, and if you do, maybe you don't in fact like them. And then maybe you're just making it up, and then maybe it's real. And then maybe its just so stupid you can't handle it and you stop.

But then, can you ignore your feelings? We all play with our emotions... well at least I have. What with the whole "I don't know how I honestly feel" aspect. But does that even erase them? Does that just hide them? And they eat at you?

And THEN there's the whole thing where I'm just making this crap up and its just stupid crap just like everything else.

Ok, that was an exaggeration. But the thing I'm just thinking about is just... your brain... it..... well no.

We all get pissed. We all change. Those things have happened a few times during those 6 months. We referring to my friends and I mostly. Mostly I just bite the bullet, and try to help them of course. Because about 99% of the time, they get back to... well not their past self. That's in the past. But just... it's solved? We're good. My friends' attitudes affect me, you can bet on that. No. No. What am I talking about. Why?

Sigh. There's chats, there's emails, and there's phone calls. The only thing left is actually them. I guess I'm used to just the pixels now, but after awhile you almost punch yourself in the face. Or throw rocks.

I stay up too late. The day is already wasted. But then I can't talk to my friends if I don't stay up really. Why does she have to be idle? I need. To. Frickin. Talk.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.

Change. Music. Jason Mraz's voice. Fads. Everyone's doing it. Jokes. Saying lol too much. Listening. Not understanding. Overreacting. Correcting typos. Drama. Sighing. Ughing. People. People becoming your friends without you even realizing it. No regrets. Biting bullets. Not eating snow. They don't care about their name. Change. Not even realizing yourself. Complaining about self-centeredness. Resolutions. Think you're weird. My math teacher is a snappy dresser. Gravel with white paint. It's almost Wednesday. You know what? I'm ready to be done with this. Scraping boots. Australian accents. She is not my friend. I want Ann Arbor. I don't want Ann Arbor. I am tired of forgetting about it. Throwing rocks. This isn't even necessary. STAR GAZING. Sending letters. Ready to fall. Ready to forget. Ready to finish. Of course it's outside. It all is. Not having this. W is screwed. Sugar down the throat. Being used to French and France and numbness and no parks no sledding some football good drums I need to talk to them STOP TRANSLATING no algebra. No. No. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Of course its stupid. Finding or creating? Giving up. No response. No comprehension. No reading. No talking. No them. And then it goes away, and its mixed. Again. Again. And again. Why not stop? I am a trumpet player. I gotta have courage. It's ok. You can do it you can do it it's almost over please just last just do this for all of your friends ok? Just get through through through through through through thr

Lights will guide you home

They say we're in the pursuit of this thing called happiness. But then Ellen Kenner brought up the fact that it's a means of traveling. I guess it's all about perspective, how you could be happy 100% of your life, if you look at it the right way. Theories aside, I am happy.

Coldplay's X&Y album in the background, French car horns blasting, fireworks going off, a whole bunch of material items now in my possession, close and incredibly nice friends, being practically half-way done, the prospect of the second half going faster than the first, knowing there is a tomorrow and even looking forward to it.

And although I am one of many, and my current positive feelings mainly only affect those directly near me, it's all connected. It gives one a new sense of... living sort of. Getting what they want. Brain is content, eager to take in and process all of this new information. Having words and a large vocabulary to express thoughts... having drooping eyes, and sore mouth muscles from laughing and grinning. Wanting to scream out "thank you thank you" a thousand times, not caring who hears. Having physical things, but also mental things I suppose.

Heck, I might even go into spanish class smiling with this.

Heck, I will, dang it!

This is life.