We went skiing yesterday at the 3rd place in the Jura, where we hadn't gone before. At first we had planned to go to the Alps, but there was tons of traffic. I didn't actually really want to go. But it was fun I guess.
The subject of high school was brought up, and Zach told me it would be best to pass out of Algebra 1 this year, because otherwise I'll be behind the rest of the 4 years.
Behind.
Isn't this just wonderful? I highly doubt I can test out of Algebra 1 this year. We haven't even started really. I don't even care if that sounds pathetic because I don't think it is. My school sucks.
Isn't this so wonderful. ISN'T IT? IS IT NOT? IT IS JUST SO WONDERFUL. SO INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL. ISN'T IT??? IS NOT IT?????!?
Nah. I'm ok. I think. I just have to get some things out like that.
So, my choices are:
a) panic.
b) not worry, try to be optimistic.
c) somehow magically complete a whole year's worth of algebra into 4-6 months.
d) just do some algebra.
e) b and d.
The optimistic point of view:
Well, I mean, hey, you're spending a year in FRANCE and school is already really stressful. So I think you should just sort of chill. I mean, just think, years from now you'll look back, know you graduated from high school anyway. It'll be alright.
The pessimistic point of view:
OMG you are SUCH a FAILURE, Amelia!! This sucks! This really sucks! No! You're going to be BEHIND everyone in high school! Ugh! Failing. This sucks. Everything sucks. We're all going to die.
I guess I'll try to do e).
I started worrying again, for some strange reason. Things go ok, it's just slightly unpleasant. And often times the intimidation and missing and theoretical stress just gets to me. Maybe things got harder.
But I seriously just need to get this over with. I literally just have March, about half of April, May, June and a tad of July. And only 124 days. I remember when it was 150. And when it was Day 124. So, back to biting the bullet, finding that optimistic/perspective place again and ... talking to my friends I guess.
I might've said this a few times before, but my main strategy that worked for a while was just to say to myself, "This is all just going to be a memory." And it does work. Because, really, this is the life I get. This is it. Why let some stupid school that's really stupid get to and ruin me? And it didn't, really. It actually helped me. I guess. To a certain point.
I don't know what most of you guys think of my year in France. I mean, some of my friends have commented and stuff, saying encouraging things and stuff, but I don't really know. Probably the readers that thought I was so dang lucky to do this and then see my complain left by November or so. Maybe I haven't done a very good job of describing things. But the fact is, well, careful what you wish for, I guess. I never asked to do this thing. My parents told me other people would "beg" to do this. Several times. But obviously, not everyone likes this sort of thing.
I don't really know where I was trying to get to. More biting the bullet, more not talking to friends over the week (sigh), and more.. work I guess. It could be harder. It could be easier. It could be somewhat pleasant.
The thing with my school is, there's not really anyone you can go to (as in an adult) to just talk about your worries and stuff. Maybe in the English National Progamme, but not really. So basically you just go through the days complaining about how messed up the system is with your friends. The teachers aren't very helpful or encouraging, but some can be in the ENP. They normally are. The French ladies at the Vie Scolaire get majorly pissed at small things and vent their unneeded anger at random pupils.
Because of my new FLE schedule, I have to miss the first half-hour of my Sciences Physiques class. Which I hate. Sort of. Perhaps I'm making a lot of small things seem big in my mind. Still, this school can really... create.... annoyance.
And I just seriously get tired of changing perspectives. SERIOUSLY TIRED OF IT.
I just...
I'm tired of virtual hugs. I'm tired of Spanish class.
It doesn't matter, it will end, I'm going home.
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