knife?

You know, I just find it... amazing. Like, just... wonderful, really. How people change. How your friends change, and yet you still love them of course. How you can talk to them about almost anything, and how they still want to talk to you. And how just.. just how it all works out. How it all goes on, and although its sort of sad to think about how the past is past, but then there's this new. There's this now. There's always going to be now. And new. 

This isn't a sad... thing. Because I'm really rather happy. It's just weird, that's all. But sort of a different weird than I normally tell you guys about. Like, maybe it was just the day, but stuff was maybe.. quieter? People were different, of that I am sure. But it wasn't really bad different, it just.. went on. So how to describe it though... 

I mean, I could start a blog post with ugh. I really could. I could go back to that "France sucks" thing and change the perspective I guess. I mean, what am I trying to say here? 

A piece was taken out, re-arranged and might not fit in again. But even if day 164 is like the day of new weird (its not even cereal weird. nor ceral weird), I still love Becca. And love Anthony. Maybe its maturity? I don't think I am drifting though; its just more... settled? 

Maybe it is was just weird today. Maybe. But I feel like there's a different place now. Sometimes you just gotta say "no" to the drama. Just sit down and talk to your friends.

But its weird though 'cause like (back to the "ugh" thing- sorry), this new... place I guess almost seems like the piece really won't fit in. The piece being me sort of. But we'll see, right?

It's not letting go really... its just sort of... staring at that cereal box and knowing that someday the green grass will be the fields of Slauson. Again.

I tend to be repetitive. Redundant. Sometimes I invent things. But sometimes I do need it. Just ask me how my day goes, how I am, and don't kill me. I'm sort of starting to see... from another point of view. Maybe more than one. 

And music. It's one of those seriously powerful mood changers. 

I'm suffering from lack of jam. I've just had this major impulse to just want to jam. Really bad. And I'll probably be making another invitation from That One Guy in vermonte Named vAr.

I mean, sure I miss my dad and all and I have that phlegmy cough, but this is good. Is it good? Do you like it? I think I like it.

I mean, like always, this is going to change again. And I might get pissed again (sorry), but at least now I know what it can be like. So maybe that's to say its not really numbness, and not a point of no return, but somewhere in there. Tomorrow's going to be day 165 according to my calculations, which means only 200 left (200 posts). Almost 2/3 done. And I kinda like my hair this long.