Right? 'Cause there's a bird

Alright. That was pretty solved. Except for... but yeah.

Do you guys ever have days where you feel like you're in a different place than you actually are?

I don't really know what to think anymore. I say that a lot, don't I though?

I woke up today with an irritated eye. For those of you not familiar with me and my eye problems, I have them. My eyelashes are sort of long (not to brag or anything, but they just sort of are) which I see as an unnecessary... aspect. They fall in my eye a lot. Which, let me tell you, is full of pain. I've gotten to the point where I can just use my finger and some spit to get them out, like without eye drops. I couldn't tell what was wrong with my eye this morning though. Perhaps some soap got in it. Owwww!

That wasn't that unusual. But you see, as soon as I looked out my room window, Louis Armstrong's Winter Wonderland got stuck in my head. The fields. The cars... the white. It was white. There was a little powdering of snow on the ground, looking sort of like cottage cheese. Except much much better. It looked so.. so... promising. And then the hedges were covered, which was great.

I had never seen France in the winter. Now, you might say, well you've never seen France in the summer, so... but in case you didn't know, I had been here in the summer of 2004. So, now I have to get used to a new season. Which might not seem like much, because it happens four times a year. But, may I remind you, I've already got this layer of culture shock. From living in a different culture, you know? So hmm.

Should be a good winter. I'll still miss sledding at Slauson with Anthony and Erez and Oren and maybe Zach's friends. But that wasn't the point I wanted to make. If there is one.

I... what the crap is it with today? I wake up somewhat early, the snow, eat, sort of do some HW. Then I read some of that rugby autobiography. It's getting seriously boring. "So then we won this one game, and then I felt sorry for this one guy. And then we played another game against some of the same teams. Then we drank beer. Won/lost games." My brain got seriously un-entertained so I started to sleep. I was ver-ver-very tired. Then slept on my bed for about 3 hours. I hate hate taking naps. Especially in the middle of the day. Especially with 3 tests (all in French) tomorrow and just... argh. And also when its perfectly light outside. So I got up and practiced guitar. I was pretty dead. Still am. The only thing left really was blogging.

The only thing I can come up with is that... this is just a... extreme case of teenager-ness.

We're seeing Dub-ya (W) tonight at 7. I sort of want to stay to talk to my friends, because I think my lack of that is what is killing me here.

This is just ridiculous. I feel like I have no purpose, except maybe to do things that stink. That I don't want to do. I have friends, ok?? I. Have. Friends. Where are they?

My weekends suck. The end of Michigan football as we knew it was last night. At least PSU pwned. But I don't really care. This is just stupid.

What the shibbity-boo is this? I got no exercise, I have been deprived of sleep (still am), I still have work but whatever, and I can't hang out with anyone.

I'm TIRED of speaking French, all right? I don't CARE about conjugating the verb to blush. I don't like just sitting around, and not really having a choice. I don't LIKE IT when my friends are upset. I don't LIKE IT that I can't even TALK to my FRIENDS. I don't like all of this stupid work that I don't NEED and falling BEHIND and the lack of friends. I don't like having to stay up till 3 am to chat with my friends, and... all of that. I'm TIRED of learning Spanish. I'm sick of Becca not being here. I'm sick of not being in a class with Anthony. I'm sick of not hearing Alex's amazing poetry. I'm sick of having life suck, and yet rock, but not in the ways I want or need.

Do you guys.... do you have any idea how it is to be here? I've never moved before. Well, except for from Chicago when I was younger. I've never really had anything like this. Which in a way is... sure. YES ok I GET that this a wonderful experience, and I've already told you guys that I think it's WORTH IT. Because it is. Probably. But that doesn't mean it can't utterly suck sometimes and that I can't rant about it.

The thing that would make this better is

right now,

for ...

Ok. I have a purpose. Right? I mentioned this before. I continue to. I have friends. I like my friends. I love my friends. They are what help me not utterly die. And they're awesome. Which means basically that I can't live without them. But hey guess what? I sort of am. Well, let me rephrase that sentence. I'm not talking to them right now. That kills. And I just feel like I have to be... I mean, before I moved stuff was awesome; I could talk to them like everyday. But now its like they were almost taken away. Putting an ocean between us sort of would cause that. ARGH. Right about now would be a good time.

Alright alright. Life does not suck. It does not. It yes rocks. I'm going in circles. This is just some stupid blog post like all the rest.

Ugh. Ok. This is just sort of what happens when you... well, live in a different country.

Redundant, right?

Survival.


By the way, Becca (and Karina), you were right. (Thank you K, A, T and B)